"How to win friends ...

... and influence people." Ever read this book? Who wrote it?

I've owned this book two-three times and have given away every copy. Maybe I should have kept one of them. Maybe I should have read one of them.

I'm shaking my head tonight over a letter from the FBI that I received Saturday. I've been trying to get the December 3, 2010, letter from Undersheriff Zinke to the Chicago office of the FBI, in which he apparently requested any reports of information provided to the FBI by Deputy Scott Milliman.

I say "apparently" because the McHenry County Sheriff's Department and the FBI are unable to locate any copies of that letter.

The FBI replied on January 4, 2010, and referred to the December 3rd letter, so it must have existed. Right?

The January 4, 2010, letter was released by MCSD as "proof" that Sheriff Nygren was clean and hadn't engaged in any of the dastardly acts alleged by Milliman in a November 2010 deposition in Zane Seipler's Federal civil rights lawsuit against the Department

Of course, anyone who read that letter carefully wouldn't have come to the same conclusion, because Nygren's name doesn't appear in the letter.

I was immediately suspicious of the January 4, 2011, letter because 1) it did not contain a File Number; 2) it appeared to have been typed on an old style typewriter; 3) it said that Milliman had provided information "in confidence" to the FBI (thanks for "outing" him, Agent Byers); and 4) it provided information that normally the FBI would not reveal about a possible target of an investigation.

So now I'm trying to find out whether that January 4, 2011, letter really came out of the Chicago FBI office. And the longer it takes to get it (especially in view of the disappearance of the December 3, 2010 letter), the more suspicious I get.

In correspondence received later last week, the FBI asked me to submit a Certificate of Identity form (Form DOJ-361 (Approved OMB 1103-0016)). The form looks nice and official, but it is worthless because it is poorly and incorrectly structured.

The form asks for the Full Name of the Requester. That would be me. Or would it? A footnote reads "Name of individual who is the subject of the record(s) sought." OK, that's not me, after all.

Citizenship Status. (must be a US citizen or lawfully-admitted alien)

Social Security Number (optional)

Date of Birth; Place of Birth. Mine or the Subject's?

Signature. Footnote 4 says the signer is the person named above (the subject of the record sought). So, who signs? Who is the subject? The FBI agent who signed the letter?

I'm trying really hard not to bite the hand that is going to feed me the January 4, 2011, letter.

A. Dale Carnegie wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People.