Tried to thank Mayor Daley for his new gun laws in Chicago, but can't get the Tribune to accept the posting.
"Glad to know Hizzoner will let me have a handgun in Chicago now. All I'll need is $10,000,000 of gun liability insurance policy, paying 25 years of annual premiums in advance (non-refundable) with a cashiers check drawn on the First National Bank of Daleyville; triple gun locks; ammo stored at least 18.2 miles from the nearest gun and on the west side of the street in an odd-numbered building address, in a gun safe with a "I Love Dickie" sticker, no magazine over three rounds and the first two have to be blanks; certificate for passing a 25-hour training program (must be completed in one day), framed in a gold-bordered black (not brown) frame with a string (not wire) picture wire and hung on a wall facing City Hall. And I must practice three times/week in a City-owned gun range (to be constructed) at $100/hour range time and buy my ammo there at $1/round. But it's illegal to carry my gun out of the house to my car to go to the range.
"Thanks, Rich. Glad to know you will finally allow me to exercise my gun-ownership rights as a law-abiding citizen. But even your generosity will not persuade me to move back to Chicago."