End-of-Life Discussion

It was almost a year ago that I attended a workshop at MCC about Advance Directives and wrote about the importance of planning. And not just planning, but also doing.

A friend now may be facing the Great Trip. Over the past few weeks she had not been feeling well. I'll tell you this. When you aren't feeling well, tell your doctor. And tell your doctor in a way that your doctor "gets" it. And, if your doctor doesn't "get" it the first time, tell your doctor again! And, as nice as nurses in doctor's offices are, see the doctor! Don't rely on the nurse to relay your health concerns to the doctor; you see the doctor, even if you have to be mean about insisting on seeing the doctor face-to-face!

So a CT scan was scheduled. A large tumor in the colon was found. (The natural question, which no one is asking, is, "Why wasn't it found before it was 'large'?"

Two days later the doctor ordered the patient to the hospital, and last Friday she was admitted. On Monday a colonoscopy was performed, and on Tuesday colon surgery was done.

And then early Wednesday she was moved to the ICU due to low blood pressure. Then she had a heart attack, and that attack affected her kidneys. Things did not look good at all. Today she was looking better but cannot speak because of a breathing tube. Medical advice regarding the kidneys will come soon.

What does all this have to do with Advance Directives? Good planning is not only getting the forms prepared and signed, but it involves having "the conversation" with the person who will hold the Power of Attorney (POA) regarding end-of-life decisions.

Now I know you can't make people sit down and say, "Listen, if this happens, this is exactly what I want you to do. You will not be making the decision. I am making the decision. And I'm making it now - for then. All you have to do is carry out my wishes. And, if you don't, I am going to come back and haunt you!"

Holding a POA is an awesome responsibility. When you hold it, you don't want to use it too soon, and you don't want to wait too long.

Recently a wise young man told me that he would appoint two people to make the decision. But what if one says "Yes" and the other says "No". Stalemate! I suggested it's better to pick just one, and pick the one you trust to make the right call at the right time, with compassion and love for you.

If you haven't written your Will and Advance Directives, get with it now. And, if you have, pull them out and read them. Do they still reflect your wishes? Are the people named as Executor and/or Guardian still the people of first choice?

Sit down with your attorney for a quick legal check-up. It doesn't have to take a lot of time, and it doesn't have to cost a lot.

Or sit down with an advocate or other knowledgeable person who can review your documents with you, run through the what-if's, and push you to your attorney if your documents need updating.