Courtesy - gone forever?

A must-read is Peter Anderson's column in last week's The Woodstock Independent. You'll find it on Page 9 of the November 17-23 issue . I'm not sure if you will be able to read it online at www.thewoodstockindependent.com If you can't immediately, try again in a week or so. Maybe they'll loosen the bonds a little by then.

Anderson was Principal at Northwood Middle School from 1990-2000 and resides now in New Hampshire. The title of his column is "Where have gentlemen, courtesy and courage gone?"

He writes fondly of his father, who "always held doors for both women and men." When is the last time a man or boy held a door for you, ladies? And, gents and boys, when is the last time you held a door for a woman or girl? What happened when you did? Did the "holdee" pass through without even acknowledging you? Did you feel like holding your hand out for a tip? Or saying, "You're welcome", when you weren't thanked?

I guess it's okay to have the thought, if you don't say it. Good manners would dictate that you neither hold out your hand or even think the thought of a discourteous remark.

Lately, manners have been on my mind. During a visit with my daughter and grandchildren about three years ago, my granddaughter, then 9 (and the same one who designed my Wanted poster last fall), had made a cap for me with a sign on the front of it that read, "Manners Police." I loved it!!!

She had remembered my issue with feets on the chairs at the dinner table, so that knees were between the body and the table, elbows on the table, slurping up food by moving the mouth to the plate, instead of lifting food with a fork or spoon. You know, little things like that.

Anderson writes about his father's walking on the curb side of a woman, holding a door, and not interrupting during conversation. Good habits, all.

So, what has happened to courtesy and good manners? Anderson wonders whether they are gone because people are just in too big of a hurry.

I think it's something else. First, I think it's because many today don't even know what good manners are. They didn't learn them as children; why would they know them now?

They weren't taught good manners, and they weren't expected to use them. And they didn't get walloped, if they didn't use them. Or even corrected.

Secondly, I think they think that manners and courtesy don't matter. Good manners might not be commented on, but today they are noticed. Or, what is noticed is when a person uses bad manners. Like the "boarding house reach" at the dinner table. Or diving into the food before all are seated, even if the mom says, "Good ahead and start."

And how many get up from the table and either leave plates on the table for the maid (mom) to pick up or take them to the sink and leave them for the maid (mom) to clean up)? Well, in most houses, the maid isn't there. And probably never has been.

Anderson winds up his column with a quote from Winston Churchill, "Courage is the virtue that guarantees all other virtues." And so I say,

"Men, have the courage to extend courtesy" and "Ladies, have the courage to accept it."