Death of a Friend

A friend in Connecticut is dying. Over a year ago she was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus and was treated for it. The treatment was rough, but she made it through it.

Then cancer appeared in another part of her body. Diagnosis was slow, and any relationship to the previous cancer was unclear at first. Treatment again was rough, and this time the prognosis was very poor. She went from the hospital directly to residential hospice.

I've only known her for three years, but she was a big help long-distance with a variety of therapy suggestions. Just ideas, suggestions.... not "therapy". I did some hypnotherapy with her when we met; at the time she was dating a long-time friend of mine, whom I knew from my days in Colorado in the 1980s. And then I did some hypnosis on the phone with her during her first cancer treatment.

I called her last week to tell her how much I appreciated our friendship and the help she had given me. Her voice was weak on the phone, as I suspected it might be. We said what we had to say, and we both were aware that it would be our last conversation. She knows she is at death's door, and I believe she is prepared for the transition from this life.

I've been privileged to be with several people at the ends of their lives. It is, indeed, a privilege to be able to be either directly with them at the moment of death or to connect with them in just a real and quiet way before death occurs.

The tendency might be to avoid the person who is dying, because we might not know the "right" words. Instead, go and be with the person. The "right" words aren't necessary. Real, authentic, caring words - these are the words that count.