All About Advance Directives

A very informative meeting was held at MCC this evening on the subject of advance directives (ADs). Examples of these are living wills, durable powers of attorney for healthcare and for property, Do Not Resuscitate orders, etc.

The panel of five presented very useful information and was able to answer all questions from the audience. The meeting room was filled almost to capacity, which was really great for the panel - and for the audience.

A packet of planning forms was handed out. In it were the Five Wishes pamphlet from The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a Durable Medical Power of Attorney, a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order, a Decisions pamphlet from the Partners Coalition and information from the Hospice of Northeastern Illinois.

Stressed throughout the evening was the importance of "having the conversation" with family members, your doctor, and especially with the person who will serve as your Agent. Just thinking about this doesn't cut it. Nor does "planning" to do the forms. Do them! And put them where they can be found. And tell people where they are.

One form not included in standard planning is the Declaration for Mental Health Treatment. This form is available on the State of Illinois website, http://www.illinois.gov/

Many are familiar with the organ-donor sticker that you can affix to your driver's license, if your wish to be an organ donor is not recorded by the DMV on the license. What many do not know is that a different sticker is available from the Illinois Secretary of State (ILSOS) that alerts rescuers or paramedics that you have a Power of Attorney for Healthcare. If the Woodstock DMV cannot furnish this to you, contact the ILSOS for this sticker. The phone number is 800.252.8980.

Your Advance Directives need to be where they can be found. I just looked for mine; they were easily to find, but I knew which stack to look in. I keep mine in bright yellow envelopes. But I had allowed them to get buried. Now one envelope is standing up on top of the refrigerator and another is on a bookcase in the living room. Nice conversation starters; right?

An excellent piece of advice that I hadn't come across before is to keep a list of those to whom copies of the Advance Directives are given. When the ADs are revised, be sure to notify all on the list - the agent who holds the Power, the hospital, doctors, lawyer, family members.

By the way, you don't have to hire a lawyer to draw up the ADs. You can get them from the Partners Coalition (http://www.partnerscoalition.org/), from the State of Illinois website, from hospitals. Tonight a chaplain from Centegra offered his availability to discuss this type of planning with anyone who calls - no charge. Contact Patient Services at Memorial Medical Center or NIMC.

If you are really into details and exhausting all options, a multi-page packet is available from the American Bar Association website. I missed the URL at the meeting, but I'll obtain it and post it.

Another good suggestion at the meeting was to enter cell phone numbers on the various ADs. If it's necessary to reach your Agent fast, a cell phone call will surely beat the mail carrier!

Many thanks to the panel for their time tonight and their great contribution to all in the audience!

Death of a Friend

A friend in Connecticut is dying. Over a year ago she was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus and was treated for it. The treatment was rough, but she made it through it.

Then cancer appeared in another part of her body. Diagnosis was slow, and any relationship to the previous cancer was unclear at first. Treatment again was rough, and this time the prognosis was very poor. She went from the hospital directly to residential hospice.

I've only known her for three years, but she was a big help long-distance with a variety of therapy suggestions. Just ideas, suggestions.... not "therapy". I did some hypnotherapy with her when we met; at the time she was dating a long-time friend of mine, whom I knew from my days in Colorado in the 1980s. And then I did some hypnosis on the phone with her during her first cancer treatment.

I called her last week to tell her how much I appreciated our friendship and the help she had given me. Her voice was weak on the phone, as I suspected it might be. We said what we had to say, and we both were aware that it would be our last conversation. She knows she is at death's door, and I believe she is prepared for the transition from this life.

I've been privileged to be with several people at the ends of their lives. It is, indeed, a privilege to be able to be either directly with them at the moment of death or to connect with them in just a real and quiet way before death occurs.

The tendency might be to avoid the person who is dying, because we might not know the "right" words. Instead, go and be with the person. The "right" words aren't necessary. Real, authentic, caring words - these are the words that count.